Inside Out and Emotional Reconciliation

   Something I had once pondered when I was young was this question: Of all of the zodiac signs that I could have been assigned, why am I designated to the Cancer sign? Now, I am not one to delve too much into astrology, but its prevalence in our culture has led me to at least be aware of my birth zodiac. There are plenty of perks to being a Cancer sign. For one, your birthday's always landing on a vacation (At least, during your schooling years), and you're able to do anything you want on your birthday. The zodiac symbol associated with Cancer is a crab, and I still think that a crab is a sort of lame symbol that I got. However, possibly the most irksome quality that bothered me as a kid was the notion that if you're a cancer, you're too emotional. I hated it because it was true.

     As a child, I was taught by the older generations that only women are supposed to be emotional. Men are supposed to be stoic, stern, and tough, even in the darkest of times. This meant always showing a smiling face or a blank stare to any and every event. Conceal, don't feel, if you will. The issue comes with me. Generally, I tended to be a bit more reactionary than most, and would often tend to show my emotions more than other family members, and this was a quality that was very much noted by other people in my family. I was often teased as being a "Drama King" because of how frequently I voiced or expressed my emotion at just about anything. I was genuinely ashamed that I was always acting so emotional. Why am I such an emotional person when society tells me I am not supposed to be? 

      Over time, I learned to repress my emotions quite a bit, adopting the more joking attitude that my peers would often demonstrate at school. However, deep down, I always wondered, why are they joking about everything? Why can't they just sit down and talk to me with poignancy and a genuine sense of emotion in their voice? Even going into middle school and even now, I attempt to hold on to that sincerity in my voice, attempting to have that bit of emotional connection when I talk with someone. Why am I still trying to convey emotion when my generation has essentially shunned it out of their own voices? Should I just stop trying? I told myself that maybe I should just put on a smiling and comedic face, and push away all the sadness and empathy that still lingered in my voice. Then I watched Inside Out. 

    

    When Inside Out came out, it was the summer of 2015. I had just recently graduated from elementary school (Wow, was it really that long ago?), and Jurassic World was the event of the summer. My cousins and I lined up to grab our tickets to Jurassic World, but they sold out right before we got to the ticket booth. However, in the time frame we had, I noticed we could have watched another film: Inside Out. I tried to convince them that we could watch Inside Out, but unfortunately, they decided we should just head home. 

   Fortunately, I was able to catch Inside Out not soon after, and my initial impression was that I really liked it. However, back then, I watched a movie based on its numerical scores, on that certified fresh rating that so many movies strive for. I didn't particularly look for the same things back then that I do now. But one way I remember the film affecting me was that it was one of the first films to make me cry, to make me feel emotion while watching it. I believe that it was the Tears of Joy scene. Something else that I noticed was my particular attachment to the character of Sadness. I think it was because at the time, I felt really sad for her, because of how unfairly she was treated. I also didn't like Joy as the protagonist, because she was selfish and conceited, at least from how I understood it. However, I think one of the most important lessons I took from it was that Sadness is an important part of life. I didn't really feel the impact of those words at that time, but I would soon learn how important that lesson would be to me. 

   

     

   Recently, I revisited Inside Out, and something that genuinely struck me as unique was that it was such a complex topic that was handled in such a well-thought out and creative manner. There's so many different ideas and concepts running through the film, but it all flows very coherently. It is by far Pixar's most abstract concept (Well, until Soul releases), but it is beautifully presented. I appreciated the color palette here, allowing for plenty of vibrance, and while it's far from the most aesthetically pleasing Pixar films, it still is a fairly nice film to look at. Watching the film now, I realized that it was a mistake to rag on any one character. I understood Joy's motivations, as someone who wants to protect another at any cost, even pushing aside Sadness, and I understood the decision to have the other emotions throw a wrench in the journey of Sadness and Joy. The mind is not a one-track decision maker. There are so many complex inner workings that sometimes, things are bound to go wrong. A detail that I thought was cool was the contrast between Riley's outfits and San Fransisco's various locations. She wears all these vibrant colors, but San Fransisco's areas are drab and lifeless. I also saw that Riley's outfits change as the film goes on, from colorful to black, because she slips into a depression. Now black is the absence of color, just like how depression is the absence of emotion. I thought this trick was pretty neat in how her clothes represent her emotions at the moment. The film is also very nicely paced, as it was always moving, and the film did not feel too long, or too short. Also, I don't think we talk about Michael Giacchino's score for this film enough. While many sing the praises of his work on Ratatouille, Incredibles, or most notably, Up, his work on Inside Out isn't often featured in what many consider "Pixar's best scores." I think why I love this particular score so much is because of its etherial tone. The piano helps create this tone, but the score itself is nothing too grandiose, and the main melodies are actually quite simple. But the backing also sounds like the underwater-like sound of Finding Nemo, a sound I personally love. 

       However, the thing that struck me the most about this watch was how similar Riley's journey is to my own journey when I watched the film. I think I was able to cry, because I was Riley's age when I initially watched the film back in 2015. I was the prime target audience for the message. I didn't really fully absorb the message back then, but I believe that it would soon help me. Later that summer, I received an invitation to a school of prestige and fame, something entirely different from the surrounding I was used to. Should I leave my friends I know, the environment I know, and take the shot in the dark? For many of you reading, you know I pulled the trigger. 

    Seventh grade at this school was quite miserable for me, no matter how hard I tried to mask it. Everything was different, from the types of people, to the curriculum especially. Schoolwork was quite brutal, especially coming off from the carefree and fun atmosphere of elementary school. Here, everyone was more than just intellectually capable, and they looked like they would kill you if you one-uped them in anything. The classes were harder than anything that I had ever attempted up to that point, and math, something which I excelled at earlier, was suddenly my worst subject. Science was not fun to me in any way. And the History notebook can go to die. Everything was so different, yet I couldn't voice my complaints about it. I couldn't be sad about it. I missed my old friends, and for half of the year, I don't think I had friends. I felt like Riley when she moved to San Fransisco from Minnesota. 

      If the people of Generation X and the Baby Boomers had taught me anything, it was to bottle up my emotions, to just smile in the worst of times, otherwise you'd be a snowflake. So, just like Riley, I let myself mask my genuine sorrow at the school with something brighter and more cheerful. However, somewhere along the lines, after I had suffered through two months of school, the message of Inside Out finally clicked within me. It was ok to be sad about school. It was a new environment, so it's ok to miss the old ways. It was ok to be emotional.

        I think that when we're young, we all just want to be happy in life. That's why joy dictates a majority of our childhood, and why sometimes, the greatest and most memorable instances in our youth come from joyous and exuberant times. But as we get older, we all have to realize that we can't be happy all the time. We can get hurt sometimes, and we can be angry sometimes. We can be sad on the inside, because sadness can sometimes help us heal. 

     Through this film, something in me realized the importance of emotion. If we attempt to bottle up our emotions like the previous generations, we end up feeling lonelier and more depressed than before. We need a catharsis of sorts to help ourselves. If Inside Out taught me anything, it's that emotion isn't something to be ashamed of. It's not something we repress just to make ourselves look tough by social standards. Emotion is essential. 

    After Inside Out, I learned to accept my emotions, especially my sadness. So now, I'm a far more emotionally open person than I was before. I like the fact that, as a Cancer, I am more in touch with my emotions. I feel like it helps me in a way that I just don't understand yet. Maybe because of my more emotional side, I have a better grasp of being human.